this just in...

In point of fact, I did not fall off the face of the earth.  Here's what I want to say.  I want to say that I watched the movie Inception and have been so busy puzzling over it that I couldn't even concentrate on writing something for you.  That my brain was so full of enigmata (that's right.) that truly, I couldn't fit another thing in or figure out how to pull anything out.  That's what I'd like to say.  Because that sounds pretty cool.  However, in keeping with my commitment to being honest, I can't say that.  Because I only just watched it two nights ago.  And it doesn't count for last night because we were at Hubs' work Christmas party.  Prior to that, I was kind of just being.  I was just a human, being.  I think.  Looking back, I'm trying to discern what I was doing on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night.  As I said, I watched Inception on Friday night.  Pay attention!  Wait.  Okay on Thursday night, I had a mental health tune-up with my person who does that with me.  She's cool.  We hadn't seen each other since far too long ago and had much catching up, healing and processing to do.  Certainly more than can be contained in 50 minutes.  Plus, I dig her as  a real live person and had some interest in some personal stuff going on in her life so we did some post hourly rate chatting.  Don't be a judger.  Probably the people that feel like judging other people for doing therapeutic talking might maybe be people who could really use some.  I'm just sayin'.  Anywho, she wants me to figure out what relaxes me.  Yeah.  Like that's going to happen.  She's stressing me out by even asking this of me.  So. That explains Thursday.  Oh yeah.  Hubs came home on Tuesday.  From San Diego.  Apparently, he had a lovely view of the bay and some fantastic Thai food.  Not to mention some kid-free peace and quiet.  And Monday night football access as we do not have cable.  Apparently, it was like a little vacation for him, all gift-wrapped up in reimbursement bows and per diem wrapping paper.  If I were to suggest such to him, probably he would bemoan the quick turn around time, the fact that he didn't have time to go to do anything to enjoy the town - like the zoo or Lego World, and that he had to, you know, work.  Whatever.  At this point, I would like to point out that it hit 12 degrees while he was in California.  12 Degrees.  Let me tell you how cold that is.  I have to melt my van door in the morning so that we can get loaded up.  That day, as I was getting all my peeps to their destination in my interior heat blasting van, the residue water, of the hot water, that was on the window froze and crystallized.  And didn't thaw out.  So.  At this point, only Wednesday remains elusive.  I'm cool with that.  We have reached a point in this season that it's all rushing by like a blur.

Let's talk Inception, shall we?  I think if  you took another Nolan film - Memento and put that in a blender with Matrix and frapped, it would look similar to this.  That's not a bad thing.  I thought that Memento was a great movie.  Really innovative.  And I LOVE the Matrix Trilogy.  The whole dang thing - not just the first two.  I like Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  And John Hardy is one to watch at this point.  Leo DiCaprio.  The best work I have ever seen ol' Leo do was in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.  I thought he was brilliant.  Haven't seen a thing since that I feel shows any depth at all.  That dude needs to do a romantic comedy or something.  He takes himself and his "craft" way too seriously.  And I really do not enjoy much of what he does.  I don't seek him out, he generally just tends to be in a movie I'm interested in.  At this point, I can count on him being a tortured soul of some sort.  Much like the one he played in Inception.

Here's where we are at this point.  I started talking about Inception and my brain scrambled just enough to render this incomplete.  And now it is the next day.  It's cool though because I have lots of new stuff to report on.  We didn't finish Inception.  I am going to give it 7 out of 10 Jenny's jewels.  Anything that makes you think that much has got to have something going for it.

The first new I want to get into is Christmas cookies.  Hubs' mom makes them every year.  Every year he pines for them.  And every year I avoid making them.  This year, I made them.  I made the dough (of course it was a Krusteaz sugar cookie mix!  Don't be silly!) and rolled it out.  I got out my cookie cutters.  I made the kids watch while I cut out reindeer, trees, bells, ornaments, gingerbread men and candy canes.  I have a thing.  I made them watch because I hate mess.  Which is ironic given that I am such a and am surrounded by much mess.  Also, I hate chaos and having four kids hone in and fight over cookie cutters and who's turn it is and such is the very definition of chaos.  I cooked my first batch and the cookies were all squished together.  I wasn't counting on them rising and spreading so much.  Those were the eating cookies.  The next batch was a sparse 6 cookies sitting all alone on a huge cookie sheet for to come out correctly.  Much better results.  4 batches later (as I have just the one cookie sheet...), I was in business.  The next thing I did was get out my grandmother's Joy of Cooking.  Seriously.  Every kitchen should have the Joy of Cooking cookbook - even if you don't cook.  It tells you how to dress a table.  It tells you substitutions.  It walks you through how to cut up a chicken.  It has complicated recipes.  It has simple recipes, much like the kids' cookie icing recipe that I needed just then.  It was very complicated.  It was powdered sugar and water.  And you know what it tasted like?  Watery sugar.  No flavor.  No enhancing qualities.  No good.  Also, it was all runny and kept leaking off the cookies. I was so deflated.  This was not at all the experience that I wanted to have in bringing Suzy Homemaker joy to my family's holiday season.  And you know what?  The kids did not give one lick what the cookies looked like or the quality of the icing or where it ended it up.  It was just me and this ideal I had in my head that I alone was holding myself to and not measuring up to.   I was so busy trying to do the perfect Christmas memory thing that I didn't take the time to be in the memory.  Or let anyone else be in it either.  Boo.  Hiss.  It's gonna get a 1 out of 10 Jenny's jewels.  Look.  I still got to eat cookies.  And all I can do is do it better next time.  And soon.  I threw out that icing and I'm looking for a way better recipe ASAP.  Before the cookies get all stale.  Probably I should put them away.  Like in a bag.

The next new thing is fudge.  I know.  We have talked fudge before.  I decided to experiment a little more.  I crunched up some chocolate mint candy canes and stirred those in at the end.  I also used half semi-sweet chips and half bittersweet.  It didn't turn out just right.  It got all grainy.  The candy canes were not so crunchy and some of them were too big.  It's okay.  It's still fudge.  It's not like I'm going to throw it out.  I have a derriere to support.  I'll give it 4 out of 10 Jenny's jewels.  And that is only on a fudge scale.  Which has a different value system than other stuff.  You know, since it's fudge.

Next up is merely a teaser. An amuse bouche if you will.  My mama sent me a Christmas present.  When I called to thank her, I got her voice mail.  What's a girl to do?  I asked her voice mail if I should open it now or wait.  I did not get a response.  So, I took that as a yes, open it now.  You know what it was?  An ice cream maker.  It's pretty.  It's shiny.  It holds serious promise.  If I had had some cream in my house, I wouldn't be here now with you.  I love you and all but the opportunity to create my own Jenny's splendid ice cream?  Don't worry.  I won't use that name.  I'm not mean.  I wouldn't take jeni's name.  I'll make up my own.  Like...Jenny's Jewels ice cream.  And I will use a gem stone in each of the names.  Like Rubylicious Rum Raisin.  Or Diamondback Decadent Double Chocolate.  I don't know.  That's a mouthful.  Alls I know is that I have some Cuisinart goodness (in sassy red, no less) waiting for inspiration.  And cream.  Lots and lots of cream.