dealing with the chronic...

I should not be here with you now.  It's not that I don't dig you.  Because I do.  It's just that I have stuff to do.  I pretend I don't.  I do a couple of things and then a couple more to make it look like I did more than what I actually did and then I call it a day.  But I have been watching a lot of "Hoarders" lately.  It is FASCINATING.  With a capital everything.  And some days I find it a comfort - I do not have that kind of problem!!!  And other days I find it a challenge - I have a similar problem.  Here is the catch phrase that got my attention and alerted me to be sure to keep an eye on myself:  Chronic disorganization.  I think this is hoarding as an infant. You feed it and it grows.  I am 1,000 % chronically disorganized.  I don't mind throwing stuff out - so much.  I just do better at it when I have the distance of some years between looking at it last and letting it go.  I just don't know where the hello kitty to put any and all stuff while it's in purgatory waiting for it's eventual fate.  Nothing is in it's place.  Because mostly there's no designated place for anything.  I know.  I have talked about some of this before.  I talked all about how I was gonna change.  Don't we all, my brothers and sisters?  But watching that show, hearing that phrase, chronically disorganized, I'm taking notice.  So, right now, I should be upstairs.  In the "upstairs kitchen".  The "upstairs kitchen" is the area upstairs that was, in fact, a kitchen at one time.  A widower lived in this house prior to us and had turned it into a two-family home for his daughter and her son to share with him.  The daughter essentially had an apartment upstairs with a kitchen of her own.  We couldn't use it as kitchen - nor did we want to- according to the terms of our loan.  I was convinced that kitchen was the reason that this nice large house stayed for sale for so long.  Probably I should have paid more attention to the nefarious goings-on in the section 8 apartments at the bottom of our street and the decline of the other homes to the left and right of us as the true cause of the problem.  But I saw promise in that there upstairs kitchen.  I saw cabinets and counters and a sink and by golly, I was gonna craft it up with my impending children.  Scooby was 6 months old when we bought the house and a boy so I wasn't fully invested in his crafting interests and held out hope for the more to come.  But I forgot that I am lazy.  I don't like to clean messes which means that I don't encourage situations that cause messes.  Which means that  the upstairs kitchen has become a catch-all for all things craft related and  toys that haven't quite made it all the way to either of the rooms inhabited by children.  And my scrapbooking stuff.  Oh.  That's right.  I'm one of those people.  I LOVE scrapbooking.  And I don't understand anyone who doesn't.  I started out with the ginormous Creative Memories tote galore courtesy of my generous mother.  But then I entered my first scrapbook store and all bets were off.  Creative Memories was fine - and to many, it still is.  But I'm all about patterned paper and embellishments and Creative Memories is not.  Creative memories is about stencils and circles and journaling.  It's very minimal.  And, I'm sorry but their style is very distinct and I don't much care for it.  It's formulaic and plain.  I'm about the layout telling the story more than the journaling.  I'm all about the embellishments.  I know.  I said that twice - it's not a typo.  If I am a hoarder, if I am a shopping addict - it's around 2 things: embellishments for scrapbooking and groceries.    I think that I am getting better at the groceries.  I think.  Probably not.  Hubs has to do my budget every month and I keep going over it.  Probably because of groceries.  And clothes.  And scrapbooking stuff.  Look.  Stay on point.  I have a stockpile in my basement of groceries.  I know, I know.  Probably you have seen at least one episode of "Extreme Couponing" on TLC.  Eww.  For real don't compare me (or any of the blogs that I read and support around couponing) with that show or the people therein.  Don't get me wrong.  I believe in the power of couponing AND stockpiling.  And I believe that everyone has a journey to walk through from getting started with both and getting caught up in the thrill and the high of seeing instant gratification at the check-out and tweaking it so that you choose one of two paths:  greedy hoarding or responsible stockpiling.  The people depicted on that show choose the path of the former rather than the latter (since that saying can still confuse me - the former is the first and the latter is the last).  Responsible means that I have 18 bottles of bbq sauce so unless I'm getting it for free (and only then, I would only buy a few more to help see me through to next summer when they are on sale again), there isn't any point in buying more - to do so undermines the whole saving money bit AND it encroaches on hoarding.  Responsible means that if we don't eat spaghetti-os, I don't buy them at any price so that I don't deprive people who go to the store looking to get it super cheap to free because they need it and they need to save money on it.  That stockpile has blessed not just my family but other families who have fallen on tough times.  I can see clearly that God has blessed me to help others with my bargain shopping but it's still my job to be a good steward with the money He provides us.  I'm still fine-tuning my purchasing strategy.  I still make unwise decisions.  Don't we all, my brothers and sisters?  Anywho.  My friend told me that I'm supposed to flee from evil so I really try not to put myself into scrapbooking aisles or stores.  But sometimes it's unavoidable.  Like when I pull into the Archiver's parking lot.  Just kidding!  Sort of.  But I have gotten some truly cute scrapbooking stuff from close-out stores like Big Lots and Tuesday Morning.  Enablers.  hmph. Do you think I needed a new paragraph at any point up there?  Oh well, stick with it.  SO.  About the upstairs kitchen.  I tried to put in a scrapbooking space.  I have tried like heck to organize that space as well as my scrapbooking stuff and it is a nightmare.  It's not pulling together despite the organizers I have to make it do so.  And part of the reason why is that I will never scrapbook in my home.  It's just not going to happen.  I don't know why.  I just know it with certainty.  Which means that my scrapbooking stuff needs to be organized in a way that allows me to take it to crops (which is scrapbookese for scrapbooking event).  That presents with a new problem:  it would appear that I need ALL my scrapbooking supplies with me at any scrapbooking event all the time.  And y'all.  I have alot of scrapbooking supplies.  Alot.  Like hoarding alot.  And since there is no sense of sense when it comes to how I have that stuff put together, I spend most of my time at crops looking for something- anything- everything.  I also spend alot of time walking around because lately, every time I go to a crop my stomach starts getting all bloaty and uncomfortable.  I think it is the sitting.  Which would be weird because I'm all about the sit in my day to day.  Probably a little too much personal info, huh?  Oh well.  Maybe that happens to some of you and you have worked your way through it and have some tips on how to avoid the crop bloat discomfort.  Or maybe that happens to some of you and you had no idea it happens to anyone else.  Or maybe it's just me.  Anywho.  My scrapbooking supplies are - you guessed it - chronically disorganized.   I have tried to go by color but I don't know what to do with dual colored things.  Or patterns.  Or the word red written in blue.  You see what I'm saying.  I have tried to have all ribbons in one place and all stamps and inks in another.  But somehow I start feeling seriously cumbersome.  Maybe.  I can't remember. So long has it been since I have even attempted to get that stuff put together.  Because, remember, I'm a quitter.  If I wasn't successful the first time.  Or even maybe the second or third if I allow it all to go so far, I'm done.  So that is where I should be instead of here, now, with you.  I should be upstairs in the upstairs kitchen disabling my chronic disorganization.  It would make Hubs so happy.  Or laundry.  I should be in the basement doing laundry.  It would make Hubs so happy.

But I'm tired.  It seems like I'm always tired.  On the one hand, I take some medicinal aids that may contribute to my sluggishness.  On the other hand, Hubs likes to tell me that I should exercise more.  Because it gives you energy.  So, you have to have energy to get to the machine where you expend energy to gain more energy.  Exercise is stupid.  And contrary.  And stupid.  And on another hand, it's like 900 degrees outside these days.  It drains a girl.  Especially a girl with hot flashes.  And if I'm mentioning hot flashes, I guess I'm not so much a girl anymore.  I mentioned that a few birthdays occurred during my, ahem, hiatus.  One of those was the big one -my fortieth.  It was awful.  And probably it was awful because I kept saying it was going to be awful and there is alot of science and truth about self-fulfilling prophecies.  And maybe that's why I'm so tired.  I'm old now.  Old people are tired.  They go to bed at like 6:30pm.  Like right after watching the local news and catching the weather forecast.  Because old people are also all about weather.  They have to mention the weather where they are, inquire about the weather where you are (segueing into the all encompassing mystery of time zones and what time is it there because it is 5pm my time and you are one hour away so it's 6pm your time etc. etc.) and they have to be prepared for the weather that is to come.  Even though weather forecasting is some sort of combination of divination and tomfoolery and is always subject to change with no sort of justification or apology from the forecasters who never get it right.  I'm pretty sure that there is a chat room somewhere with virtual dice that all of the weather forecasters enter before showtime and they roll the dice and work together conspiring on some sort of systems map for the entire country that shows the results of the dice rolling.  Kind of like dungeons and dragons where the dice predict the results of a battle that never happens.  None of it is real and all of it is based on imagination.  But I'm not all consumed with weather yet.   Aside from complaining of heat.  I'm hot.  And I'm hot flashing in the hot.  And when it gets cold, I'm going to complain about the cold.  But for now, the heat is making me drowsy.  And the inactivity is making me drowsy.  And the meds are making me drowsy.  And my seemingly constant need for sugar now, sugar crash later foods are making me drowsy.  So if you aren't catching on.  I'm drowsy.  Like all the time.  Which looks cool and aloof if you are some sort of teenage boy heart throb from a movie like "My Sister's Werewolf Boyfriend Has a Hot Vampire Slut Sister I Want to Get With".  But I'm not that.  So I don't look so cool and aloof.  I look tired.  And I sound grumpy.  And I nap.  Which makes me stay up later.  Which makes me miss night sleep.  Which sucks when I have to get up to chauffeur little people around.  Which is exhausting because I still have to fight and yell about sitting down and buckling up.  NOW!  And I nap and start the cycle all over again.

OH!  But as long as I am here, let me tell ya something I am going to try (new!) soon.  I'm combining my crafty side with my sneaky cook side ( I don't know if that Missy Chase Lapine has copywritten the term "sneaky chef" but she has more money than me to duke it out in court so I'm just going to be surreptitious about it all...).  Okay, so you know how when you cook beets it stains pretty much everything?  Oh.  Right.  Beets are kind of gross so probably you don't cook too many beets.  But I cook them and put it sneaky like in my food.  And they stain everything.  Now.  I love ombre.  Between ombre and clothes that have contrasting color stitching - like white stitching on black clothes or vice-versa or some other such situation like so, I could fill a closet with such an adoration I have.  Since I don't sew, I can't personally do the contrast color stitching so much.  But I think I have a line on how to do the ombre.  I just take the white item of choice - likely a white t-shirt for this scenario- and hang it over a vat of dye letting the bottom rest in about an inch or two of it and letting it suspend there for an indeterminate amount of time.  The dye bleeds its way up and gets more concentrated towards the bottom where the dye is feeding in.  So are you putting this all together?  I'm using some of my beet puree as the dye. That's right.  If Martha Stewart can use beet juice as a natural dye for Easter eggs, I can do what I want with that stuff too.  I'm not doing this today.  I told ya.  I got stuff I should be doing.  So I hope to do this sometime this week.  And because I do dig ya, I'll tell ya how it turns out.  Heck.  I might even do a picture to go alongside.  I think I'm going to call my method bleeding beet ombre.

For those of you who read the title and jumped in hoping to hear a little about some sort of green herbage, sorry to disappoint.  I hope you got a kick out of what you did read and reconsider what Nancy Reagan always said:  Just Say No.  And as someone else might have said: Nope to Dope.  That might have been in reference to doping in the cyclist arena.  Or some other such beleaguered sporting league.  But the message remains the same... also, Crack is whack.  And Huffing leaves you with Nothing.  I made that last one up.  That's right.  Just now.  Off the top of my head.  And that concludes our public service announcement section for the day.  Also it concludes my post for the day.  I told ya.  I got stuff to do.

Confliction

I think I just made that up.  I think.  For me, it would mean being afflicted with conflict.  Which is probably redundant.  Because to be conflicted or to be in the midst of conflict is really already an affliction.  Anywho.  I am mortified and unapologetic about the amount of time since my last post.  That's right.  Both.  Here's what's been going on: a dog died.  a step-father died.  a new dog was adopted.  a relationship with God has been strained but not broken.  an addiction has been confronted. 4 birthdays have been observed (no- not all of them were mine.  It hasn't been that long!).  Christmas.  anniversary.  new year.  Easter.  stomach bugs have debilitated.  veggie garden has been planted and enjoyed.  weight has been gained.  memory has been lost.  vacations have been had.  I have been cold.  I have been hot.  I have had hot flashes.  healing continues.  new stuff has happened again and again.  And that is about all I have to say about that.

Let me tell ya something.  I'm intrigued with Jack White.  I'm not crushing on him because Hubs is pretty hot and I don't really need to crush on anyone because I'm not wanting in crush material, you know?  But he was interviewed in Relevant magazine (couldn't get a link to the article so it's page 49) and I was kind of fascinated by what he had to say.  And, I was never into White Stripes but he's supposed to be wicked talented.  Like one of the 100 best guitarists of all time.  Although, I gotta say, I can't think of 100 best bands of all time so that there would be a guitarist in each of those that could be a contender.  I can think of Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix and... Prince - think what you will but that little dude knows his way around a guitar and I'm not just saying that because I had a huge crush on him back in the day).  I don't know.  Maybe music isn't my thing.  You know what my thing is?  Story telling.  Which brings me back to my mention of Jack White.  One of his bands (which he is down to 2 and neither of them are White Stripes) is called the Raconteurs.  So I did some research (and by research I mean, I googled them once to find out the name of their "albums".  Are they still called albums when they aren't technically albums?  Aren't albums vinyl?  So what do you call the compilation of songs that a band releases at one time at this point?) and found a definition for the word Raconteur.  It means: a person who is skilled in relating stories and anecdotes interestingly. (Mad props to definition.com because I never did get that footnote business down so consider this appropriate acknowledgement that would unbind me from any sort of plagaristicness.)  And I thought - with all the humility in the world - HEY!  That's all me all the time!  I am a raconteur.  And I had to click on the listen to the word being pronounced button 3 times so that when I told people that I am a raconteur (obviously in a skilled, anecdotal and interesting way) I would know how to pronounce it properly.  However, I think they just have the program read it in a condescending and phonetic matter and I'm not invested that it was pronounced properly so probably I'm going to sound like a total tool when I try to puff myself up with a title of this magnitude.  Other than sounding like a total tool for using such a hoity word at all.  And also, it might set me up to consistently be skilled, anecdotal and interesting in my storytelling and what if I disappoint?  I mean, I don't think that I disappoint now but surely I will if I attach an expectant title to myself like that.  I have stories to tell.  And sometimes the stories are a verbal, verbose conveyance of my life and the random stuff that goes on within it.  And sometimes the stories are poems or written pieces with symbolism and wonderment and what I hope to be flowing, eloquent language.  And sometimes the stories are without much in the way of words at all but have pictures and scraps of paper and various embellishments.  And sometimes the stories are blog posts that I write with no regularity, some disclosure and as much honesty as I can muster.  And sometimes the story truly has no words at all but is a measure of how I maneuver this world in my day to day life as homage to the true story-teller - the original author - God.  He gave me a voice.  He gave me some talent in the way that I use that voice and I am blessed that He saw fit to allow me to do it in so many ways - all of which I value.

Ultimately, I started this blog as a way to tell stories.  Stories about things that I was trying and doing.  Stories that might feel a little familiar to many people so that we could feel connected to one more person.  To laugh knowing that we do the same kind of stinkin' silly stuff.  Or that it is just me doing stinkin' silly stuff - s'okay.  I can take you laughing WITH me.  Not so much AT me - I am not evolved in that degree at all.  To be frustrated knowing that there are wrongs that need to be righted.  To be sad and mourn that we have all had devastating things happen in our own lives.  To be a little more kind to the next person you come upon because we all walk along with our own confliction.

But I didn't know all that when I started.  When I started, I thought that I could end up like those bloggers that get lots of followers and end up making a little cha-ching from advertisers and getting invited to various blogging events and manufacturing panels and what-not and being famous and well-rounded and - successful, I guess.  So I adopted the SavvyCavy name being all clever and self-congratulatory- mostly about my cleverness.  But when all that other stuff didn't happen - you know, immediately, or uhm, at all... - I was mostly still enjoying the hello kitty out of doing this blog.  And it's because I had a new and satisfying way to tell stories.  But I think that something might need to shift in my goals or something in order to do this with some more regularity.  In order to not sit on the computer for hours trying to get a post done while I swat kids away and repeat the phrase "in a minute" like some sort of turretic chant.  In order to meet your needs as well as mine.  Okay, probably you don't have needs around my posting.  Maybe.  But just in case you do - I want to meet those needs.  I'm a giver.  A giving storyteller.  So.  The question at hand is whether or not I continue on with this blog - with this name and the idea behind it of trying something new every day and telling you about it - on a mutually negotiated and agreed upon regularity OR do I begin a new blog.  One with a new name.  One that would have a different focus - which needs to be defined further than a blanket storytelling theme.  But the same design.  Cuz I just changed that background and design and I'm pretty dang fond of it.  It's feminine and scrappy.  Like me.

I'm interested in feedback on this one.  I'm too lazy to go all surveymonkey on it so just post or something and let me know what you think.  Based on the one, maybe two people who share their opinion, I will consider a decision.  Smooch y'all.