Confliction

I think I just made that up.  I think.  For me, it would mean being afflicted with conflict.  Which is probably redundant.  Because to be conflicted or to be in the midst of conflict is really already an affliction.  Anywho.  I am mortified and unapologetic about the amount of time since my last post.  That's right.  Both.  Here's what's been going on: a dog died.  a step-father died.  a new dog was adopted.  a relationship with God has been strained but not broken.  an addiction has been confronted. 4 birthdays have been observed (no- not all of them were mine.  It hasn't been that long!).  Christmas.  anniversary.  new year.  Easter.  stomach bugs have debilitated.  veggie garden has been planted and enjoyed.  weight has been gained.  memory has been lost.  vacations have been had.  I have been cold.  I have been hot.  I have had hot flashes.  healing continues.  new stuff has happened again and again.  And that is about all I have to say about that.

Let me tell ya something.  I'm intrigued with Jack White.  I'm not crushing on him because Hubs is pretty hot and I don't really need to crush on anyone because I'm not wanting in crush material, you know?  But he was interviewed in Relevant magazine (couldn't get a link to the article so it's page 49) and I was kind of fascinated by what he had to say.  And, I was never into White Stripes but he's supposed to be wicked talented.  Like one of the 100 best guitarists of all time.  Although, I gotta say, I can't think of 100 best bands of all time so that there would be a guitarist in each of those that could be a contender.  I can think of Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix and... Prince - think what you will but that little dude knows his way around a guitar and I'm not just saying that because I had a huge crush on him back in the day).  I don't know.  Maybe music isn't my thing.  You know what my thing is?  Story telling.  Which brings me back to my mention of Jack White.  One of his bands (which he is down to 2 and neither of them are White Stripes) is called the Raconteurs.  So I did some research (and by research I mean, I googled them once to find out the name of their "albums".  Are they still called albums when they aren't technically albums?  Aren't albums vinyl?  So what do you call the compilation of songs that a band releases at one time at this point?) and found a definition for the word Raconteur.  It means: a person who is skilled in relating stories and anecdotes interestingly. (Mad props to definition.com because I never did get that footnote business down so consider this appropriate acknowledgement that would unbind me from any sort of plagaristicness.)  And I thought - with all the humility in the world - HEY!  That's all me all the time!  I am a raconteur.  And I had to click on the listen to the word being pronounced button 3 times so that when I told people that I am a raconteur (obviously in a skilled, anecdotal and interesting way) I would know how to pronounce it properly.  However, I think they just have the program read it in a condescending and phonetic matter and I'm not invested that it was pronounced properly so probably I'm going to sound like a total tool when I try to puff myself up with a title of this magnitude.  Other than sounding like a total tool for using such a hoity word at all.  And also, it might set me up to consistently be skilled, anecdotal and interesting in my storytelling and what if I disappoint?  I mean, I don't think that I disappoint now but surely I will if I attach an expectant title to myself like that.  I have stories to tell.  And sometimes the stories are a verbal, verbose conveyance of my life and the random stuff that goes on within it.  And sometimes the stories are poems or written pieces with symbolism and wonderment and what I hope to be flowing, eloquent language.  And sometimes the stories are without much in the way of words at all but have pictures and scraps of paper and various embellishments.  And sometimes the stories are blog posts that I write with no regularity, some disclosure and as much honesty as I can muster.  And sometimes the story truly has no words at all but is a measure of how I maneuver this world in my day to day life as homage to the true story-teller - the original author - God.  He gave me a voice.  He gave me some talent in the way that I use that voice and I am blessed that He saw fit to allow me to do it in so many ways - all of which I value.

Ultimately, I started this blog as a way to tell stories.  Stories about things that I was trying and doing.  Stories that might feel a little familiar to many people so that we could feel connected to one more person.  To laugh knowing that we do the same kind of stinkin' silly stuff.  Or that it is just me doing stinkin' silly stuff - s'okay.  I can take you laughing WITH me.  Not so much AT me - I am not evolved in that degree at all.  To be frustrated knowing that there are wrongs that need to be righted.  To be sad and mourn that we have all had devastating things happen in our own lives.  To be a little more kind to the next person you come upon because we all walk along with our own confliction.

But I didn't know all that when I started.  When I started, I thought that I could end up like those bloggers that get lots of followers and end up making a little cha-ching from advertisers and getting invited to various blogging events and manufacturing panels and what-not and being famous and well-rounded and - successful, I guess.  So I adopted the SavvyCavy name being all clever and self-congratulatory- mostly about my cleverness.  But when all that other stuff didn't happen - you know, immediately, or uhm, at all... - I was mostly still enjoying the hello kitty out of doing this blog.  And it's because I had a new and satisfying way to tell stories.  But I think that something might need to shift in my goals or something in order to do this with some more regularity.  In order to not sit on the computer for hours trying to get a post done while I swat kids away and repeat the phrase "in a minute" like some sort of turretic chant.  In order to meet your needs as well as mine.  Okay, probably you don't have needs around my posting.  Maybe.  But just in case you do - I want to meet those needs.  I'm a giver.  A giving storyteller.  So.  The question at hand is whether or not I continue on with this blog - with this name and the idea behind it of trying something new every day and telling you about it - on a mutually negotiated and agreed upon regularity OR do I begin a new blog.  One with a new name.  One that would have a different focus - which needs to be defined further than a blanket storytelling theme.  But the same design.  Cuz I just changed that background and design and I'm pretty dang fond of it.  It's feminine and scrappy.  Like me.

I'm interested in feedback on this one.  I'm too lazy to go all surveymonkey on it so just post or something and let me know what you think.  Based on the one, maybe two people who share their opinion, I will consider a decision.  Smooch y'all.